complex

It is snowing little specks outdoors, and the dogs next door can't help but bark in excitement. When we went to walk in the slush of snow all that I could think about was how complicated this is. How complex your mind is, and how strange I feel trying to get inside of it. Once I do, for only a second or two, you push me away. Saying, there's too much damage in there for you to handle, for me to handle. For us to handle. Why can't we just stay the same, that blissful ignorance. Maybe it was just too simple that way, too easy. I used to yearn to know you, to feel you, but now I shy away at any move closer, any touch closer, any breath closer. Every thought closer to you, the farther away I feel.
Distance.
Like I feel in the snow, how the world closes off into a deadened silence, and everything is covered, put behind a lovely veil. Who wants to see beneath the veil? But as time turns, the snow melts, slowly uncovering the ground, glaring with defects. and as time turned I got to know you, but now I see this mirrored reflection in your eyes. I see myself, my darkness, the corners of my mind I slowly closed off now opened again. Pouring out, ebbing from my mind is this grief. Why did I have to care about you? Knowing it would be unrequited in the end. Now your spell is gone, winter is here, the veil is back, and for now I'm fine with that. Because at least when I look at you, all your dark corners are hidden and covered up for these cold months. Now the only thing between me and you is the snow.